SWEET HAVEN--In the wake of the Major League Baseball "steroid scandal", new evidence has surfaced that casts a dark cloud over the exploits of cartoon character Popeye The Sailor Man.
Harold Stavely is the curator of the Popeye Museum in Sweet Haven, Popeye's home town. In an recent interview, Mr. Stavely said, "Everyone knows about Popeye's strength. It's one of the things that makes him so indearing. Over the years, it's happened countless times: he'll be in a bad situation, or in a fight with Bluto, and he'll be on the losing end. But then something happens--he gets this incredible strength, superhuman strength, and suddenly he's able to overcome anything."
For years, nobody questioned the source of his strength. But now, allegations are swirling about a foreign substance that Popeye was reputed to ingest immediately prior to gaining his superhuman strength. The Popeye Museum has turned over possible evidence to the county District Attorney. The items will be analyzed at a laboratory specializing in detecting performance-enhancing substances. It was not revealed what the items were, but the District Attorney's office released a statement saying that the investigation is focusing on a slimy, green substance that seemed to be contained in small, cylindrical metal containers. There were also reports that many years ago, a "lucky chicken" was involved.
The statement also said that they are treating this investigation with great care and respect, because of the historic nature of Popeye's life. In a phone call, District Attorney Arnie Breuer said, "We understand that Popeye is a hero of sorts, a legendary figure in the history of American media. It's not our intention to damage or destroy his reputation, but we do have a job to do. And if illegal activities have taken place, it's our job to seek the truth and bring it to light."
In the days since the doping allegations were released, the atmosphere at the Popeye Museum has been subdued. However, museum attendance has been up by 25%. Said curator Stavely, "People are more interested now about Popeye's life, and you can hear speculations being whispered by almost everybody who comes in. Occasionally people will ask me what I think, but I tell them that we will have to wait and see the outcome of the testing. For now, he's still our local hero. I just hope we can see him that way when this is all over."
When asked about the green substance in the metal containers, Stavely refused to comment, but turned away and muttered, "I yam what I yam."
